Yikes
Bear with me...I'm going to ramble.
I'm STRESSED. I'm completly spent. Physically & emotionally, I'm dragging. I can't tell you the absolute direct cause for my stress because there are probably a gaggle of factors involved but as of this moment, this blog is the only thing I have that's barely shaving off the top of my stress so I don't go into convulsions. I'm exaggerating but it's how I feel.
I feel like I'm mad at everything lately. I feel like everthing gets on my last nerve. Even the people that I love the most make me want to scream. I loathe this of myself. Why can't I control it? Why can't I redirect, realign or reconnect? I have no answers lately. I feel like a worthless human being lately. I feel I have nothing at all positive to contribute to my God, my family, my church or my friends lately. I want badly to pick up and leave for 3 weeks. And I feel like because I can't do that physically, I pick up and leave mentally, which sucks.
I'm sure this is not as bad as it really is because it's emotional for me right now. I wish I didn't have to be on my toes all the time. I wish I didn't have so much expectations laid on me by me.
I want to sleep for 48 hours straight. I want to go someplace that's 69 degrees, lay in the middle of a grassy field and listen to music for 12 hours straight. I want to lay in my wife's lap while she massages my temples.
I want God to refesh me from head to toe. I want to feel his holy spirit move over my mind, my body, my spirit. I'm not going to be able to do this without God. I need to be refilled and restored...soon.
I'm STRESSED. I'm completly spent. Physically & emotionally, I'm dragging. I can't tell you the absolute direct cause for my stress because there are probably a gaggle of factors involved but as of this moment, this blog is the only thing I have that's barely shaving off the top of my stress so I don't go into convulsions. I'm exaggerating but it's how I feel.
I feel like I'm mad at everything lately. I feel like everthing gets on my last nerve. Even the people that I love the most make me want to scream. I loathe this of myself. Why can't I control it? Why can't I redirect, realign or reconnect? I have no answers lately. I feel like a worthless human being lately. I feel I have nothing at all positive to contribute to my God, my family, my church or my friends lately. I want badly to pick up and leave for 3 weeks. And I feel like because I can't do that physically, I pick up and leave mentally, which sucks.
I'm sure this is not as bad as it really is because it's emotional for me right now. I wish I didn't have to be on my toes all the time. I wish I didn't have so much expectations laid on me by me.
I want to sleep for 48 hours straight. I want to go someplace that's 69 degrees, lay in the middle of a grassy field and listen to music for 12 hours straight. I want to lay in my wife's lap while she massages my temples.
I want God to refesh me from head to toe. I want to feel his holy spirit move over my mind, my body, my spirit. I'm not going to be able to do this without God. I need to be refilled and restored...soon.
posted by fuel52 at 2:34 PM
3 Comments:
Man, I totally empathize. I sometimes get just like that. I too heap piles and piles of expectations on myself (needlessly), and I feel like a total failure if I don't meet all of the expectations, when most of them were unreasonable to begin with...
Sometimes I get so frustrated with everything I want to leave, but not for 3 weeks...more like a year. Just the other day I thought about how wonderful it would be to move to a deserted island for like a year...no people, no hustle & bustle, no TV, computers...maybe some books and a guitar, pens and paper...just the basics, for an extended period of time. I thought about the prospect of not speaking for like a year (no talking just for the sake of not talking). It would probably be a difficult venture, as eventually one probably gets bored with not speaking (See: Cast Away & Wilson).
But I can't afford to move away, really all I can afford to do is to keep showing up for work everyday and the like...
...and I aint takin' you out saddaday!
Uggguhh
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