If you're reading this, it's really just a journal entry type post. I don't normally like to throw out my life struggles for all to see, so this is kinda different for me. I didn't write this for pity or empathy, but I know everyone cares nonetheless. And I wasn't going to publish it but I feel like God may be trying to speak to someone reading this.
You ever go through something in your life where almost literally, EVERYTHING else in your life is either put on hold or neglected? Whether it's a new job or a sick family member or fantasy football, you really don't have time for ANYTHING else? And most times, it affects other parts of your life.
Well, that's how I'm feeling right about now, since I've started graduate school.
I had a friend a few years ago started graduate school and his entire social frequency and structure was changed during the semester. We began seeing him about 75% less than we normally did, and when we did see him we'd see him 75% less of the time. Whenever I'd ask him how he was doing in school, he had this glazed look in his eyes and said, "oh, fine". He'd then look quickly at his watch, clap his hands and say, "well, it's time to go study". It was very interesting. A few weeks later, I spoke with a friend of his at a social gathering asking where he could have been (it was a Saturday at about 1pm) and our mutual friend said, "I think he's at home studying." And I'm like, "WHAT?!", studying on a Saturday??!! Blasphemy. I couldn't believe the audacity of my missing buddy.
My friend, I take it all back. ALL of it.
I find myself now in the MBA program taking 2 courses and it's been, thus far, two of the most challenging months of my life, personally, intellectually and spiritually.
I guess for most graduate students, it's probably not a big deal. You're roughly 23 years old out of undergrad right into the MBA program and you still have a part time job to pay for your car and insurance but not much of a change to life.
Me however, prior to last semester, I've been out of acadamia since 2001. I've got a wife, 2 children (3 & 2 yrs old), which entails trying everything that's within me to be a good husband and father. I have a full time job, 2 part-time jobs, member of the worship team at my church, 2 fantasy football leagues (one of which I'm commissioner), season tix for the New Orleans Saints, all of this plus maintaining my spiritual relationship with God.
I don't have much time.
It sucks because I feel guilty about a lot of things that are falling by the wayside so easily, my relationship with God, my family, my friends. Sometimes, at night when I'm laying down and actually have 10 minutes to evaluate what's going on, it sounds soooo easy to just drop this dream I have of educating myself. Life would be so much easier if I could just say to heck with this MBA stuff. Is it worth the tension and stress it's causing in every part of my life? And it's not that I'm doing poorly, I'm actually doing very well in school, it's just the T I M E factor. I don't have a quality amount of it to distribute to the places they need to go.
So, please be thinking and if you can spare it, praying for me. I hope it's just the first semester that's the toughest. Hopefully it's just an adjustment that we'll get used to.
Father, show me how to do this. I know you don't want me to give up. But, I'm going to need your grace to do this. My wife and family are going to need your grace to do this. Show me how to have a good attitude despite my circumstances. Bless my family for the trails that we go through. Shelter me and my family during these times and make us closer for everything that we're going through.
Amen
